Failures of Fashion

Fringe skirt by Kettle Black, $146.00 at shopbop.

I don’t know how to tell you this bro, but your skirt has muttonchops.

Floral denim skirt by Kettle Black, $150.00 at Shopbop.

This is like a DIY from hell: botched jeans mended with an old table cloth. Except this was designed, and professionally made.

Denim circle skirt by Zucca, on sale for $279.00 at Creatures of Comfort.

This is what the Duggars would wear when they feel feisty.

Gizmo skirt by Brian Lichtenberg, $2,100.00 at Alex and Chloe.

Ok, I know some people out there are going to like this in an outrageous-Lady Gaga-ironic way.  Or in an 80s-nostaglia-Gremlins-is-awesome way.  But it doesn’t deserve that.  First of all, it’s been done, and Gaga has been there done that. It’s been done to the point that it has trickled down to etsy.  Secondly, it’s one thing when Jean Charles de Castelbajac sends it down the runway (he is an independently wealthy aristocrat who doesn’t need to make money off his fashion line), or when Gaga wears it to an interview, but what real woman would want to wear this.  It sticks out inches beyond your gut.  Lastly, and most importantly, it doesn’t even look like Gizmo!  Gizmo is brown and white and the proportions are all off!

Silk faille tulip skirt by Oscar de la Renta, $1,290.00 at Net-a-Porter.

The description of this says that the blob on the side of the skirt is supposed to be a rosette.  How?  It looks like they had some extra fabric, crumbled it into a ball, and put some stitches in it.  OdlR can do so much better.

Acid wash torn leggings by Nightcap, $99.00 at Revolve Clothing.

Now we may add another chapter to the skirted leggings saga.  Individually, I think all the of trends represented here can work (ok, I hate skirted leggings, but I admit I may be unfairly biased), but when you put all the extreme trends together in one piece, it looks messy and and makes you look like a fashion victim.  Sometimes, less is more.

Miniskirt by Sass and Bide, $190.00 at Shopbop.

This skirt is called “Sunday’s Clown”, taking its title from the Velvet Underground song “All Tomorrow’s Parties”.  The song, which was inspired by the lifestyle of those in Andy Warhol’s Factory, describes a poor girl dressing up for the constant parties, only to return to her life of poverty when the night is over.  After dressing up in other people’s glamorous dresses, she once again becomes “Sunday’s clown,” in her rags.  This skirt costs nearly 200 dollars.  While it is raggedy, it is quite far from the image the song presents of the girl.  Maybe they did it on purpose as an elaborate prank on the consumer, calling them posers.  Perhaps they didn’t actually look at the meaning of the lyrics and thought it sounded cool.  Any reason, it is still a 200 dollar shredded skirt named for a song about a poor girl.

Fergus leggings with skirt by Mike & Chris, on sale for $138.60 at Shopbop.

This may date me, but when I was in high school Hard Tail pants were insanely popular with the Abercrombie crowd.  In the winter months, many of these girls would put their Hard Tail pants underneath their Abercrombie jeans and fold the waistband of the Hard Tail pants over their jeans.  In retrospect, it looked like they were all wearing maternity jeans. These bring me back to those days, and not in a good way.  Sure, having a skirt built into your leggings prevents the “leggings as pants” mishaps, but at what expense?  The leggings are also bunching around the ankles, which makes them look more like flare pants than leggings.

On another legging related note, the designer of these leggings sent me a lovely message assuring me that the leggings were very comfy and the balls actually act as cushioning. That could have done me some good back in my school days, sitting on those hard wood chairs for hours. So, if you like the look and the price is right, they are comfortable.

“Leopardface” skirt by Jean-Charles de Castelbajac, on sale for $451.75 at Seven New York

Do you really want to give men more excuses to call your lady parts a “pussy”?