Failures of Fashion

This is how I imagine the conceptualization of these shorts...

Mon, 16 May 2011 12:32:06 -0400

This is how I imagine the conceptualization of these shorts occured:

Topshop executive 1: Those shaggy sweaters did well for us, but we have this left over fabric. What should we do with it?

Topshop executive 2: What about pants?

executive 1: No, we don’t have enough fabric for pants.

executive 2: What about shorts. It’s getting warm and no one is doing shaggy shorts.

executive 1: That’s because shaggy shorts are crazy.

executive 2: Just call it edgy and all the fashionistas will want to wear it.

executive 1: Good idea, and have them add some scraps of old chiffon to get rid of that too.

And that is the only rational way these monstrosities could have been created.

Wool ruffle shorts, on sale for $50.00 from $100.00 at Topshop.

The adult baby fetish is disturbing. Fashion labels really...

Sun, 15 May 2011 12:35:06 -0400

The adult baby fetish is disturbing. Fashion labels really shouldn’t be catering to this group. It is just wrong.

Cosmic Wonder drop crotch jumpsuit, $653.00 at Ra via Farfetch.com

Vivienne Westwood stans are going to insist that I just...

Tue, 10 May 2011 12:30:06 -0400

Vivienne Westwood stans are going to insist that I just don’t get it. That her clothes are more than just clothes, they are political manifestos and yadda yadda yadda. I get it, but I don’t think they get that it looks like they are wearing a beach towel.

Vivienne Westwood Elephant Tunic, $465.00 at Zappos Couture.

Ooooh, I remember this craft project from kindergarten. Marni...

Mon, 09 May 2011 12:30:05 -0400

Ooooh, I remember this craft project from kindergarten.

Marni paillette hat, $1,055.00 at Net-a-porter.

Also comes in necklace and purse if you want to complete the set.

Can you believe this ensemble is actually by Proenza...

Sun, 08 May 2011 12:31:06 -0400

Can you believe this ensemble is actually by Proenza Schouler?

It pains me to put them on this site, but this is atrocious. Baja hoodies are worn by every stoner at every liberal art college across the country and are usually purchased for $19.99 at the same stores they buy their bongs. So why in the world did the Proenza Schouler boys do a literal interpretation and put a $1,500.00 price tag on it?

Proenza Schouler Baja hoodie, $1,500.00 at Kirna Zabete

Wait wait wait. It has an FUPA-creating elastic waistband and a...

Sat, 07 May 2011 12:30:06 -0400

Wait wait wait. It has an FUPA-creating elastic waistband and a superfluous diagonal boob sash and it is sold out.

Opening Ceremony one shoulder pants, $320.00

And I am back! Sorry for being gone, if anyone is still...

Fri, 06 May 2011 21:56:04 -0400

And I am back!

Sorry for being gone, if anyone is still reading. I had to deal with real life but now I am back and fashion hasn’t gotten any better. Take this dress for example. Normally leaves are a rather suggestive motif. Just think of Adam and Eve hiding their shame with fig leaves. Rachel Pally takes the leaf and puts it all over a muumuu.

Rachel Pally Caftan, $268.00 at Shopbop.com

One shouldered sports bra by Alexander Wang, $58.00 at Opening...

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 13:56:33 -0400

One shouldered sports bra by Alexander Wang, $58.00 at Opening Ceremony

Sports bras are ugly. I live for mine when I work out but it is not something I want to take out as a fashion statement. Wang had the brilliant idea of making an ugly, utilitarian undergarment even worse by making it outerwear and removing any function. How are you supposed to wear this? On the runway the pieces were styled in a way that would resemble an old timey hobo boxer if worn out in public.

Now, if you are looking for the more authentic sports bra look, they also offer those for $72.00. Because its not like you can’t get a real sports bra for cheaper.

Denim bucket hat by Maison Martin Margiela, $105.00 at Project...

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 15:30:20 -0400

Denim bucket hat by Maison Martin Margiela, $105.00 at Project No. 8

Bucket hats were never cool. Bucket hats never will be cool. Avey Tare is cool despite his bucket hats. Even diehard Animal Collective fans think it looks dumb. Imagine this is the beginning of 2009 and Merriweather Post Pavillion is the coolest thing out there. In this situation, bucket hats are still not cool. I know MMM is all about the high/low thing, but at a certain point, you are just spending a ton of money on something tacky and lame.

Fringe skirt by Kettle Black, $146.00 at shopbop. I don’t...

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 15:23:48 -0400

Fringe skirt by Kettle Black, $146.00 at shopbop.

I don’t know how to tell you this bro, but your skirt has muttonchops.

Sequin shorts by Ashish, exclusively at Selfridges for...

Sat, 17 Apr 2010 15:46:48 -0400

Sequin shorts by Ashish, exclusively at Selfridges for approximately $660.51.

Whether you call it soccer or football, these shorts are tragic no matter where you live.

Health Care tee, on sale for $4.99 at Urban Outfitters. Ok, so...

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 16:37:00 -0400

Health Care tee, on sale for $4.99 at Urban Outfitters.

Ok, so this shirt isn’t expensive. It is downright cheap by most standards. However, the fail here is so great that I cannot let this slide. The founder and owner of Urban Outfitters, Richard Hayne, is a well-known conservative. While his personal opinion on healthcare is unknown, he supported the candidacy of Rick Santorum. You know Rick, he is the guy who said that homosexuals do not have a right to privacy, amongst other things. You know, the guy who has an anal sex biproduct named after him in memorial of these statements. Well he has a lot to say on the matter of healthcare. His voting record also shows he doesn’t like healthcare reform.

So what is a company like Urban Outfitters doing selling a shirt supporting healthcare reform? Oh yeah, capitalism…

Lace covered sunglasses by A-Morir, $222.00 at Karmaloop. These...

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 16:40:53 -0400

Lace covered sunglasses by A-Morir, $222.00 at Karmaloop.

These are totally practical and don’t at all look like they could be assembled with lab goggles and a hot glue gun.

Brown leather corset shorts by Alexander Wang, $725.00 at...

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 12:39:54 -0400

Brown leather corset shorts by Alexander Wang, $725.00 at Barney’s.

Now, I have never been to a Renaissance Fair, but this is what I imagine ye olde prostitutes to wear.

Floral denim skirt by Kettle Black, $150.00 at Shopbop. This is...

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 11:00:56 -0400

Floral denim skirt by Kettle Black, $150.00 at Shopbop.

This is like a DIY from hell: botched jeans mended with an old table cloth. Except this was designed, and professionally made.

Dhoti pants by Antipodium, on sale for $181.35 at Buy...

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 19:04:54 -0400

Dhoti pants by Antipodium, on sale for $181.35 at Buy Definition.

This takes me back to my college days. You know, that white guy with the dreads who sits on the quad playing the bongos. Let’s not bring this to the mainstream.

Deer skin vest by Ralph Lauren, $1,273.00 at My Theresa. Wow,...

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:00:01 -0400

Deer skin vest by Ralph Lauren, $1,273.00 at My Theresa.

Wow, when did Ralph Lauren start designing for women who sell turquoise jewelry in New Mexico.

Slashed army shirt by Balmain, $1,625.00 at...

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 10:59:56 -0400

Slashed army shirt by Balmain, $1,625.00 at Netaporter.

Submitted by Joanna. Balmain is getting a lot of shit for this top in the blog world. As it should. This is the sort of thing that just makes me ask HOW? How was this shirt designed by Decarin (or more likely, one of his assistants). How was it OK’d by the owners of the historical couture brand and sent down the runway. How was it was priced this high. How did buyers from Netaporter and other retailers said, “yes, this is a good idea, let’s order it.” How will any client look at this price and pay that for it. This is no fantasy and exclusivity. This is a fucking cotton shirt with rips.

Those rips look like a gasping face. It probably saw its price tag.

Fabric tie-dye sandals, $250.00 at Mulberry. Submitted by...

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 11:03:59 -0400

Fabric tie-dye sandals, $250.00 at Mulberry.

Submitted by m.latourelle. 250 bucks for a flip flop sole with some tie-dyed fabric. What a bargain. Don’t let this pass you up ladies.

Denim circle skirt by Zucca, on sale for $279.00 at Creatures of...

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 11:00:59 -0400

Denim circle skirt by Zucca, on sale for $279.00 at Creatures of Comfort.

This is what the Duggars would wear when they feel feisty.