This is how I imagine the conceptualization of these shorts occured:

Topshop executive 1: Those shaggy sweaters did well for us, but we have this left over fabric.  What should we do with it?

Topshop executive 2: What about pants?

executive 1: No, we don’t have enough fabric for pants.

executive 2: What about shorts.  It’s getting warm and no one is doing shaggy shorts.

executive 1: That’s because shaggy shorts are crazy.

executive 2: Just call it edgy and all the fashionistas will want to wear it.

executive 1: Good idea, and have them add some scraps of old chiffon to get rid of that too.

And that is the only rational way these monstrosities could have been created.

Wool ruffle shorts, on sale for $50.00 from $100.00 at Topshop.

The adult baby fetish is disturbing.  Fashion labels really shouldn’t be catering to this group.  It is just wrong.

Cosmic Wonder drop crotch jumpsuit, $653.00 at Ra via Farfetch.com

The adult baby fetish is disturbing.  Fashion labels really shouldn’t be catering to this group.  It is just wrong.

Cosmic Wonder drop crotch jumpsuit, $653.00 at Ra via Farfetch.com

Vivienne  Westwood stans are going to insist that I  just don’t get it.  That her clothes are more than just clothes, they are political manifestos and yadda yadda yadda.  I get it, but I don’t think they get that it looks like they are wearing a beach towel.

Vivienne Westwood Elephant Tunic, $465.00 at Zappos Couture.

Vivienne  Westwood stans are going to insist that I  just don’t get it.  That her clothes are more than just clothes, they are political manifestos and yadda yadda yadda.  I get it, but I don’t think they get that it looks like they are wearing a beach towel.

Vivienne Westwood Elephant Tunic, $465.00 at Zappos Couture.

Ooooh, I remember this craft project from kindergarten.
Marni paillette hat, $1,055.00 at Net-a-porter.

Also comes in necklace and purse if you want  to complete the set.

Ooooh, I remember this craft project from kindergarten.

Marni paillette hat, $1,055.00 at Net-a-porter.

Also comes in necklace and purse if you want  to complete the set.

Can you believe this ensemble is actually by Proenza Schouler? 

It pains me to put them on this site, but this is atrocious.  Baja hoodies are worn by every stoner at every liberal art college across the country and are usually purchased for $19.99 at the same stores they buy their bongs.  So why in the world did the Proenza Schouler boys do a literal interpretation and put a $1,500.00  price tag on it?

Proenza Schouler Baja hoodie, $1,500.00 at Kirna Zabete

Can you believe this ensemble is actually by Proenza Schouler? 

It pains me to put them on this site, but this is atrocious.  Baja hoodies are worn by every stoner at every liberal art college across the country and are usually purchased for $19.99 at the same stores they buy their bongs.  So why in the world did the Proenza Schouler boys do a literal interpretation and put a $1,500.00  price tag on it?

Proenza Schouler Baja hoodie, $1,500.00 at Kirna Zabete

Wait wait wait.  It has an FUPA-creating elastic waistband and a superfluous diagonal boob sash and it is sold out.
Opening Ceremony one shoulder pants, $320.00

Wait wait wait.  It has an FUPA-creating elastic waistband and a superfluous diagonal boob sash and it is sold out.

Opening Ceremony one shoulder pants, $320.00

And I am back!

Sorry for being gone, if anyone is still reading.  I had to deal with real life but now I am back and fashion hasn’t gotten any better.  Take this dress for example.  Normally leaves are a rather suggestive motif.  Just think of Adam and Eve hiding their shame with fig leaves.  Rachel Pally takes the leaf and puts it all over a muumuu.
Rachel Pally Caftan, $268.00 at Shopbop.com

And I am back!

Sorry for being gone, if anyone is still reading.  I had to deal with real life but now I am back and fashion hasn’t gotten any better.  Take this dress for example.  Normally leaves are a rather suggestive motif.  Just think of Adam and Eve hiding their shame with fig leaves.  Rachel Pally takes the leaf and puts it all over a muumuu.

Rachel Pally Caftan, $268.00 at Shopbop.com

One shouldered sports bra by Alexander Wang, $58.00 at Opening Ceremony

Sports bras are ugly.  I live for mine when I work out but it is not something I want to take out as a fashion statement.  Wang had the brilliant idea of making an ugly, utilitarian undergarment even worse by making it outerwear and removing any function.  How are you supposed to wear this?  On the runway the pieces were styled in a way that would resemble an old timey hobo boxer if worn out in public. 
Now, if you are looking for the more authentic sports bra look, they also offer those for $72.00.  Because its not like you can’t get a real sports bra for cheaper.

One shouldered sports bra by Alexander Wang, $58.00 at Opening Ceremony

Sports bras are ugly.  I live for mine when I work out but it is not something I want to take out as a fashion statement.  Wang had the brilliant idea of making an ugly, utilitarian undergarment even worse by making it outerwear and removing any function.  How are you supposed to wear this?  On the runway the pieces were styled in a way that would resemble an old timey hobo boxer if worn out in public. Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Now, if you are looking for the more authentic sports bra look, they also offer those for $72.00.  Because its not like you can’t get a real sports bra for cheaper.

Denim bucket hat by Maison Martin Margiela, $105.00 at Project No. 8

Bucket hats were never cool.  Bucket hats never will be cool.  Avey Tare is cool despite his bucket hats.  Even diehard Animal Collective fans think it looks dumb.  Imagine this is the beginning of 2009 and Merriweather Post Pavillion is the coolest thing out there.  In this situation, bucket hats are still not cool.  I know MMM is all about the high/low thing, but at a certain point, you are just spending a ton of money on something tacky and lame.

Fringe skirt by Kettle Black, $146.00 at shopbop.

I don’t know how to tell you this bro, but your skirt has muttonchops.

Fringe skirt by Kettle Black, $146.00 at shopbop.

I don’t know how to tell you this bro, but your skirt has muttonchops.